Perimenopause and Social Anxiety

Women are more likely to be affected by social anxiety because we tend to be more exhaustively judged by our appearance than our male counterparts. Another reason may be a general lack of confidence in our bodily autonomy and safety. Research has shown that anxiety sharply increases in women 40+ because of perimenopause related hormone fluctuations. Additionally, especially in western countries, aging women tend to be considered less valuable by society, and keeping up appearances can be incredibly stressful. Symptoms of social anxiety may include feelings of fear, worry or anxiety, sweating, increased heart rate, shakiness, feeling trapped, and/or an increased sense of imposter syndrome. (If your symptoms are severe or debilitating, please consult a medical doctor.)

Some easy and very effective tips that I have used to manage social anxiety are:

Intention Setting. I am an introvert and making small talk with strangers is far from the top of my favorite-things-to-do list. Before I go to any kind of social or networking event, I set clear, attainable intentions for how I want to feel, and what I want to get out of the experience. I make sure to keep my expectations reasonable and light. For example, while I am driving to an event, I will set my intentions out loud, and it may sound something like, “I am going to feel calm tonight. I’ll find a great parking spot and it will be easy for me to find my event. When I walk in, someone will smile and welcome me. I will find a beverage that I like, locate the bathrooms easily, and find a comfortable spot to sit down. My energy will attract others to approach me, and I will make one strong connection with another person. I can leave whenever I am ready to go.” It’s especially powerful to state your intentions out loud. This trick never fails me.

Tapping. Tapping, also known as EFT or Emotional Freedom Technique, is a somatic stress reduction technique that involves stimulating acupressure points on the body. When these points are stimulated, a message is sent to the amygdala (the anxiety HQ in our brain) that it is safe to relax. It helps to turn down the “fight or flight” reaction caused by stress. There are many acupressure points on the body, but I’ve found that the most discreet point for public tapping is the side of the hand (the fleshy side between the pinky and the wrist.) I will use two or three fingers of my dominate hand to tap on the side of my non-dominate hand. If you don’t feel comfortable tapping in public, you can also massage the area for a similar calming effect.

Self-hypnosis. Similar to meditation, self-hypnosis involves a combination of deep breathing and repetition of calming affirmations. Start with three deep and long box breaths, a deep breath into the belly for a count of four, holding the breath in for a count of five, and slowly exhaling all of the air out for a count of eight or longer. Then count yourself down into a slower and more relaxing brain-wave state by saying inside the mind, “Five, I am going deeper and deeper, Four, I am going deeper and deeper…” counting all the way down to one, and then repeating your calming affirmations 3 times. For example, my calming affirmations are, “I am safe, I am calm, I choose to be here.” Guiding yourself into a calmer brain wave state helps the critical thinking mind slow down, and the fight-or-flight responses and symptoms will decrease. Do not do practice self-hypnosis while driving. 

If you are interested in one-on-one coaching, tapping and/or hypnosis to help manage anxiety, I would love to be of service to you. Schedule a free consultation here or let’s dive right in to an introductory coaching session here.